Author: john wick

In polytheistic religious tales, we often see “the enemy” in a particular light. In the Illiad, the Trojans are portrayed with honor, dignity, and intelligence. The fall of Hector is a tragedy, and the when the Greeks do pillage Troy, they are punished for their hubris (Odysseus in particular). This is because polytheistic traditions understand the whole “multiple viewpoint” theory of reality. Nobody is right, everybody’s got their own perspective, and your God of Thunder is actually my god of thunder with a different name. Polytheistic tradtions tend to absorb other cultures rather than destroy them.

In monotheistic traditions, “the enemy” is not painted so sympathetically. All those who stand against the Chosen People are brutes, dullards, and simpletons who just don’t get that I AM is the One True God… and must be destroyed for their ignorance. They can’t be shown the truth – they just ignore it, even when it hits them in the face. The only solution is murder.

Even when Jesus comes along, with his preaching of forgiveness, pacifism, and unconditional love… all those who don’t agree that he’s Da Boss will be sent down to EVERLASTING, EVERBURNING, EVERSUFFERING PUNISHMENT FOR THEIR LACK OF FAITH!!!

That’s your Friday thought. Now, go have a hotdog.

The Goodly Lady has something against me going out on Thursday nights. Not only does she make all my dancing friends flake on me, but she also knocks out my internet connection so I can’t get directions to the club.

Once again, I’ve said, “Yeah, I’m coming out to PAHTEE tonight!” only to find myself thwarted by the mechinations of the Lady Fate.

There’s a reason I revere her sister so much. She’s much kinder to me.

Okay, so I’ve decided to let you all in on a big secret. Specifically, your Atlantian names. I hope nobody’s disappointed…

Your Atlantian name is Crp dad Dy. It means “Buried Smile.”

Your Atlantian name is Drag no Thedan. It means “Dragon-Blooded.”

Your Atlantian name is Del w yn. It means “Youthful Promise.”

Your name isn’t actually Atlantian. It’s Lemurian, and it means “Evil Zug.”

Your Atlantian name is Tyran fel Len. It means, “Strength sleeps in Honor.”

Your Atlantian name is Jet gur Lowun. It means, “Hands who spin fate.”

Your Atlantian name is Kiss sy Rah. It means, “Queen of the Kiss.”
(previous translation was using the southern dialect. I prefer the Western.)

Your Atlantian name is Koh shatay Teesix. It means, “Hobbledehoy Ruffle.”

Your Atlantian name is Lat tn Blueay. It means, “Little Learner.”

Your Atlantian name is Matt syn Dare. It means, “God Dreams in the Mind.”

Your Atlantian name is Tori no Mentm. It means, “Death Keeps its Promise.”

Your name is Oi zis Ss. It means, “Hold on to Your Luck.”

Your name is not Atlantian. It is Rokugani. It means “The Laughing Demon of Tickles.”

Your name is Savau Ge Plante. It means, “Faith is a Whisper.”

Your name is Smsh Nu Dagrb. It means, “Honor Does Not Rest.”

Your name is Swt chu lee. It means, “Sister of the Silver Soul.”

Your name is Tra ku Hed. It means, “I Will Not Forget.”

Your name is Xee ahn Vocks. It means, “Laughing Ghost.”

Okay, so I’m going dancing tonight. I’ve put it off long enough. Must engage in the ritualistic pounding of feet, spinning of head, dizzyness of the otherworld as I summon the ghosts of my ancestors.

I’ll be going to Xianvox’s gig tonight. You can read about it here: .

Here’s the catch. I hate dancing alone. And by alone, I mean without anyone I know. I’ve got a few people coming out with me tonight, but I want to make sure we are the monster crowd. So, everyone is invited.

Let me know if you’re showing up. If not for me, for Xian. I mean, just look at her! She’s fully the Li’l Goth Hottie! And she’ll kick your ass… for free! Ain’t nothing sexier than a girl what can kick your ass!

(I say this with the full knowledge that she’ll probably beat me up later. See! I’m crafty! Got my Scorpion hat on backwards and everything!)

I step in, fetching change out of my pocket for the dreaded Coke machine. The Celtic Queen stands at a table, cutting an apple.

“Hi John!” she says. “Would like some apple?”

“Sure,” I say and snag piece. Munch, munch. I fetch the Coke and finish off my piece of the apple.

“Hey, wait a second,” I say, about to leave. “Is there some kind of symological significance to you giving me an apple and me eating it?”

“Could be,” she says with a smile.

“Man!” I walk out of the kitchen. “I hate it when that happens.”

Last time we got together for the Neopets d20 Thieves game, one of the players asked me, “John, how does L5R work?” So, I pulled up a character sheet .pdf and we went through the system, step-by-step. Took us all of five minutes. At the end of that five minutes, they understood how to do everything, and were even groking on the intricacies of free raises. After the conversation, this observation came to mind.

In d20, the chance of a 19th level character and a 1st level character getting a critical hit is exactly the same. Your skill doesn’t matter. Not one bit. (Okay, I’m talking about the “critical threat range,” but that’s an idea about as lame as the electoral college, so please don’t try to defend it.)

In L5R, players call their own critical hits. In other words, if you have the skill to back it up, your ability to get a critical increases dramatically. Thus, the better you are at something… the better you are at it. Funny idea, non?

Just wanted to share. And write it down so I can figure out a way to make what is true in L5R also true in d20. Hm…

brought to you by (Otherwise known as Kiss ey Rah which is Atlantean for “Queen of Kisses.”)

what do they really think of you by purple
lj name
sex
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your best friend thinks	she loves you
your family think	you eat with your feet
strangers think	you're just a cuddly bear
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And these are from . (Otherwise known as Leah rs Ful which is Atlantean for “Beloved and Dangerous.”)

I post weird poetic stuff no one understands

The Pork Chop Express.
(This is gonna take cracker jack timing, …)

Lately I’m feeling lousy all the time
I picked up my pants sat down tried to figure out why
I had it whittled down to a page or two
And the paper trail led me straight to you
I see life’s too short to put up with the things you do

Spell you cast been messing with my sanity
Call me now baby while you stickin’ them pins in me
But I figure if I’m finally over you
Cause I see right through that little ‘doo you do
When life’s too short to be involved with a witch like you

Life’s too short to get in a rut
Life’s too short to get a bad haircut
Life’s too short to be this long
Life’s too short to admit that you’re wrong
Life’s too short to wear tight shoes
Life’s too short to be blue
Life’s too short to be involved with a girl like you

When I walk out I’ll be free as a man can be
As funky as a monkey swinging high in the jungle tree
And if that lion asks for you or the monkey asks or the elephant too
I’ll send you back home there caged up in your zoo

Life’s too short for cheap guitars
Life’s too short to smoke cheap cigars
Get your kicks from dead beat chicks
For chewing gum down at the end of the bar
Life’s too short for steamship cruise
Life’s too short to be blue
Life’s too short to be involved with someone like you

Yeah, life’s too short to brush and floss
Life’s too short to sleep with the boss
Six way lights or disco bars
Or trying to pick up chicks in a compact car
Life’s too short for a bad tattoo
Life’s too short to be blue
Life’s too short to be involved with a girl like you
Yeah, life’s too short to be involved with someone like you
Yeah, life’s too short to be involved with someone like you

(Jerry Jeff Walker)

Thanks to

You will be sucked dry by a leech. I’d stay away
from swimming holes, and stick to good old
cement. Even if it does hurt like hell when
your toe scrapes the bottom.

What horrible Edward Gorey Death will you die?
brought to you by Quizilla

Nautical Wheelers who call themselves sailors
Play fiddle tunes under the stars
Petticoats rustle, workin’ shoes scuffle
Shuffle on down to the bar

Where the jukebox is blastin’ and the liquor is flowin’
An occasional bottle of wine
That’s ’cause everyone here is just more than contented
To be livin’ and dyin’ in three-quarter time

And it’s dance with me, dance with me, Nautical Wheelers
Take me to stars that you know
Come on and dance with me, dance with me, Nautical Wheelers
I want so badly to go

Well, the left foot’ll follow
Where the right foot has travelled
Down to the sidewalks unglued
Into the streets of my city so neat
Where nobody cares what you do
Sonia’s just grinnin’ and Phil is ecstatic
Mason has jumped in the sea
And I’m hangin’ on to a line from my sailboat
Nautical Wheelers save me

And it’s dance with me, dance with me, Nautical Wheelers
Take me to stars that you know
Come on and dance with me, dance with me, Nautical Wheelers
I want so badly to go

Well the sunrise’ll bring on
Sleep that’s escaped us
Everyone’s off to their bed
There’ll be huggin’, squeezin’
Little pleasin’ and teasin’
And rubbin’ of each other’s heads
So won’t you dream on compadres, seems nothing affects you
Nothin’, no reason, no rhyme
That’s ’cause everyone here is just more than contented
To be livin’ and dyin’ in three-quarter time

And it’s dance with me, dance with me, Nautical Wheelers
Take me to stars that you know
Come on and dance with me, dance with me, Nautical Wheelers
I want so badly to go

I want so badly to go
Yes, I want so badly to go

(Jimmy Buffett)