john wick

August 28, 2003

Your Life: The Movie by mintyduck
Who will play you:	George Clooney
Who will play your love interest:	Jennifer Garner
Weeks you will stay in the box office:	6
Song that will play during your love scene:	The Beegees – How Deep Is Your Love
Song that will play during your death:	Poe – If You Were Here
Your name:

Created with quill18‘s MemeGen!

I was hoping we could heal each other
I was hoping we could be raw together
I was hoping we could challenge each other
I was hoping we could crack each other up
I was hoping we could dance together
I was hoping we could be creamy together

Alanis Morissette

August 26, 2003

A Confession

Forgive me friends, it’s been… twenty years since my last confession.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been attracted to a specific female type. No, I don’t mean body type. I’m fine with brunettes, red-heads, blondes. She doesnt’ have to be slender or slight. She doesn’t have to look like she just stepped out of Cosmopolitan magazine. Nope.

What’s attracted me most to women is one thing and one thing only. A mind.

So many of the “bombshells” my fellow males swoon over just don’t do anything for me. It’s a woman’s intellect that gets my motor going. The fact that she’s witty, clever, perceptive. These things are what cranks my… sorry. Getting away from myself there.

A woman who knows how to pick up a book, read it, and think about what she’s read.
A woman who knows how to be herself, have her own opinions, and be able to look at the arguments of others objectively.
A woman who isn’t afraid to change her opinion, and not be afraid to admit she’s wrong — because she knows I’m willing to do that, too.
Finally, a woman who understands that a bed is an altar. And a stage.

I’ve been lucky. I’ve spent my life in the presence of beautiful women. Not women who’d be on the cover of MAXIM, but women who’s minds are more beautiful than can be expressed in words. A few of them I’ve even convinced to share my bed with me.

Again, Me = Lucky.

So, no, I’m not attracted to 90% of the Hollywood actresses that get shoved into my face. Not until I hear them speak. Because there’s nothing sexier than a woman’s whisper in your ear, using all that wit she’s got in that sweet tongue. That just about does me in every time.

August 26, 2003

And with a wave of my Photoshop brush…

I’ve always heard they used Photoshop to make girls look… well, more girly.

Here’s the proof:

August 26, 2003

Harry Potter vs. the Antichrist

Okay, let’s get one thing straight. I don’t like Harry Potter. Sorry, I just don’t. Not my cup of tea. I ain’t gonna justify it, ain’t gonna explain it. I don’t like it, and that’s that.

But when people start attacking poor Harry, calling him “a corrupting force for leading children into the occult,” I mean, I gotta say something.

First off, Harry ain’t real. He’s made up. Just like Luke Skywalker, who advocates a distincly Zen Buddhist, animistic religion; just like Indiana Jones who not only found the Ark of the Covenant and the Holy Grail, but also meddled with Vishnu, Shiba, and Kali; just like Lara Croft who screwed around with the Illuminati; just like the Mummy proved that all that Egyptian Book of the Dead hokus-pokus was a bit too real for anybody’s good. Harry is fiction. Bottom line.

On the other hand, there’s another set of books — very popular — written by authors who claim — get this — that they are based on “facts that will come to pass.”

I’m talking, of course, of the Left Behind series.

These books pretend to be about factual events that haven’t happened yet. Specifically, events spelled out by the Revelation of John. You know, the last book in the Bible. The authors tell us that they’ve done extensive research, and they insist that their vision of the future is as close to the facts as possible. This is what’s going to happen, folks! Sure, there may be some slight differences, but they’re basing the books on historical and religious lore. These books are the closest we get to understanding our future as Christians.

Okay, so now I’m kicking myself for not thinking of this con myself, but otherwise — JUST HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT??? I would never let my child read that crap! Who the fuck do these guys think they are? Do they know God? Do they have a little golden phone that talks to Him? Maybe a telegraph wire to Heaven? Does Jesus come and tell them this shit while they’re dreaming?

Assuming to know God’s will is blasphemous and violates the “Do not use God’s name in vain” Commandment (which commandment it is depends on which version of the Big Ten you choose to follow; see a previous post). These people presume to know and understand God’s mind and are making money on their claims. If they were so interested in handing out “the facts,” they’d take no money at all for delivering the truth.

Oh, wait. Delivering God’s truth for free? That would be something Christ might do. (Thank you, George Carlin.)

Anyway, take care what claims you listen to. The claims that a book of fiction is warping your kids’ brains, or a book of presumed fact. You have been warned.

August 26, 2003

A Joyful Rant

August 26, 2003

Here’s my Battle Cry (‘s is cooler):