Unreview: The Batman

Let’s start with the picture of me in a Batman costume when I was two years old. That would have been October, 1970. My grandmother made it for me. I’ve been through Adam West’s friendly neighborhood Batman, Denny O’Neil’s Detective, Frank Miller’s Dark Knight, Alan Moore’s Killing Joke, and even Scott Snyder’s Court of Owls. I’ve seen ’em all.

That’s because I love Batman. My Holy Trinity of Superheroes is Batman, Wonder Woman and Spider-Man. Those were the three I grew up with. The first comic books I ever owned. I still remember the covers and stories. I’ve seen them all change and adapt as different authors took them down different roads.

And it’s a good thing they change. Myths should change. They need to change. Mythology that doesn’t change becomes religion. And then, it dies. When its believers misinterpret mythological meaning for facts, you get dogma. Noah’s flood stops being a story about renewal and second chances and becomes a factual, historical event—despite all the evidence to the contrary. Mythology changing into religion.

Batman is a myth. If we cling too tightly to the myth, refusing change, he dies. He becomes religion.

Case in point. Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight was important to the history of not only Batman, but but comics in general. It established rules for Batman that exist to this day. The most important is the one that annoys me most: Batman is a psychopath who’s going to punch the world in the face until the world gives him his mommy and daddy back.

I’m so sick of this meme, but Miller planted it so deep, there’s no pulling up the roots. And if you try presenting any Batman who isn’t pathologically obsessed with revenge, it isn’t the “real” Batman.

(Yes, it’s revenge. Stop kidding yourself.)

I miss the detective Batman who solves mysteries. I miss the Batman who has a deep friendship with James Gordon. More than just a professional relationship, I’m talking about a friendship. I miss a Batman who isn’t just punching the poor and mentally ill in the face while ignoring that real corruption comes from above. That’s what I miss.

So, when I saw the trailers for The Batman, I did not have high expectations. From all the marketing, I expected an edgelord Batman who would say mean, scary things and kick the crap out of poor people just struggling to survive in the Worst. City. In. The. World. That’s what all the marketing told me. Like I said, not high expectations.

But then a friend of mine suggested I check out the new Planet of the Apes trilogy. When I asked why, he said, “Just do it.” I noticed that the director on the second and third films was also the director for The Batman. Okay. Let’s give those a try.

Like Batman, I was a huge Planet of the Apes fan. I had toys. Watched all the movies. Watched the animated series. Watched the live action series. Big fan. Again, I did not have high hopes for the films. After all, what new can you do with Planet of the Ap—

—oh shit. This is good.

No, not good. Holy shit. This is amazing. This is…

This is the hero’s journey. Big, mythic, grand, and beautiful. This isn’t a plot-driven mess of special effects, this is a series of movies that took the meaning of the originals, twisted it, re-shaped it and presented it as something completely new.

This is a New Myth.

After watching all three movies overnight (literally last night), I suddenly had hopes for The Batman.

I sat down in the theater (with only six other people in the seats) and waited for the lights to go down. I started with my seat reclined. By the end of the movie, I had changed the seating and was leaning forward. I hadn’t even realized I’d done it.

Matt Reeves and Robert Pattinson did everything I’ve wanted to do with Batman. Everything I hoped someone would do with him.

First, they ditched that dogma about “Bruce Wayne is Batman’s alter ego.” That was fun forty years ago when Frank Miller did it. It’s been forty years. The movie isn’t about Batman, it’s about Bruce Wayne. Who he is, what and who he cares about, and what he’s willing to do—and what he isn’t willing to do.

Next, they showed a way to transform the dark, edgy Frank Miller Batman into something else. You literally watch it as it happens. He may begin the film saying “I’m vengeance,” but that line comes back—and it comes back hard. Really hard. He may begin the film declaring that stupid line, but by the end of the story, he sees exactly where that line leads to. Exactly.

(Also, here’s a small divergence. Remember in The Avengers when Banner says, “That’s my secret, Cap…”? You remember that line? That line made me cheer. It was a single sentence that gave the Hulk more depth than decades of comics ever gave him. Made the Hulk truly incredible. Well, there’s a line in this film that explains Batman’s Code Against Killing Disadvantage, and it does so with more eloquence and brevity than almost a century of Batman comics, tv shows and films. I swear, I choked up. Hit me so hard I gasped. It is in the last third of the film, on a rooftop, and comes right after Selina Kyle says, “He has to pay!” Watch for it.)

This film takes all the Batman dogma and challenges it. Holds it up to the light and asks, “Do we really need this?” At the same time, it honors the Batman mythology in ways that are creative, insightful and… yeah, I’ll say it. Fun.

This is a fun movie made by people who love Batman. Not the dogma, but the myth. And they honor it ways that I would love to tell you, but I don’t want to spoil them.

And did they set up sequels? Yes. Oh hell yes. Again, I don’t want to tell you. I want you to see them for yourself.

When the film was over, I sat in my seat, listening to the soundtrack, watching the credits roll, wanting to hit rewind and watch it again. This time with a friend.

I feel confident in saying this is my favorite Batman. More than O’Neil’s detective. More than Miller’s psychopath. More than… damn. Can I say this? Yes. More than the Animated Series. I’m not saying one is better than the other, but what this film does to smash the rules of what a Batman film is (and can be) just make me too happy.

Also, a final note. Whomever is responsible for the marketing of this film should be sacked. Ignore the trailers. See the movie. If you’re a Batman fan, see the movie. If you aren’t a Batman fan, see the movie.

And call me. I’ll go with you.