Ten Things I’ve Done That People on My Friends List Have Probably Never Done

1. Died. 1970. Was officially dead for two minutes.
2. Got married twice to the same woman.
3. Died. 1986. Was officially dead for one minute and change.
4. Slept with two lesbians. At the same time. Okay, one of them was bi- and the other one was really angry with me. And it showed. I’ll never do that again.
5. Died. 2002. Was killed by concensus reality. Recovered almost immediately, but was permanently changed.
6. Saw a ghost. Week after I died the second time. She said my name.
7. Killed a man. On the railroad. Idiot tried climbing up between the cars the very moment I gave the engineer the order for a pin. The cars moved, he was cut in half. One half of him on one side of the tracks, the other side…
8. Won $100 from John Zinser.
9. Died. Almost. Car wreck. If my head hit three centimeters differently, I would have been a vegetable. Recovered almost immediately, but was permanently changed.
10. Stole some of the booty in the Treasure Room from the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland.