There’s a book coming out called The 101 Most Influential People Who Never Lived.
I love this book. It demonstrates so much about American ignorance.
Santa Claus is on the list. (He was a real saint in the 4th Century.)
Dracula is on the list. (He was a real person.)
Robin Hood is on the list. (Also a real person.)
King Arthur is on the list. (This is getting old.)
Hamlet is on the list. (Come on!!!)
Smokey Bear is on the list. (We’re getting real desperate now. Not only was he real, he wasn’t a person!!!)
Godzilla is on the list. (Okaaaaaaaaay….)
Alice (in Wonderland) is on the list. (I’m getting sick now.)
Don Juan is on the list. (Bullshit! Bullshit! Bullshit!)
But do you know what really pisses me off about this book?
Adam and Eve are not on the list.
Neither are Caine and Abel.
Abraham is not on the list. Nor is Jacob.
Nor is Noah.
How about King David?
Or King Solomon?
Or Ruth?
How about that Jesus guy?
Or the “twelve disciples” (the Bible can’t even get all their names right)
Or the Virgin Mary?
Or Mary Magdeline?
Or Paul.
Or how about YHVH?
Yeah, nice book. Demonstrate our ignorance for generations to come.
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EDIT
Come to think of it, where’s Superman? Batman? Spider-Man?
Where’s Paul Bunyan? Where’s Pecos Bill? Where’s Johnny Appleseed, and Uncle Friggin’ Sam!?!?!
Nonsense.