Him: Have you seen the new Wonka movie?

Me: Fuck no.

Him: Man, it’s more faithful to the book than the original.

Me: How?

Him: Wonka hates kids. He’s creepy.

Me: In the book, Wonka does not hate kids, nor is he creepy.

Him: Um…

Me: Have you read the book?

Him: Um, no. But, I was reading this interview with Tim Burton and he said he wanted to make it more faithful to the book.

Me: By making Wonka hate kids, making him scary, and giving him a stupid backstory involving winning his father’s love?

Him: Um…

Me: One day, you Tim Burton fans will wake up and realize you worship a second-rate Terry Gilliam-wannabe.