(Consult The Fool’s Journal for an explanation. Questions asked by John, answered by The Wick.)
What is my real name: John’s true name? You’ve got to be kidding. I’ll keep that secret to myself.
Where did we meet: In Ontario, California.
How long have you known me: I’ve known John for… what? Almost ten years now.
How well do you think you know me: I know John better than he knows himself. I know what buttons to push, what levers to pull, and what plugs to… well, plug in.
Do I smoke: When he was fifteen, John picked up smoking. Not just
cigarettes. He stopped when he was seventeen. Cold turkey. Little bastard has some will on him. But, not when it comes to his “opinion fits.”
When you first saw me, what was your first impression: Heh. Nice kid. Full of romantic notions. Like “honesty,” “honor,” and that most devious of delusions: “love.” I showed him the error of his ways.
My hair and eye color: He calls himself a “blond,” but it’s really a dishwater brown. He’s got blue eyes. And great lashes. Girls really fall for the eyes.
What’s one of my favorite things to do: Pine.
What’s one of the first things I said to you: “Get out of my head!”
What’s my favourite type of music: Mine? Nine Inch Nails. His? Tom Waits.
These days. He also loves Rush.
What’s my best physical feature: Not his stomach. Heh.
Am I shy or outgoing: Depends. There’s times when he has to be quiet and think to himself. That’s his problem: he thinks too much. Then, he gets in that I’ve got to be the center of attention mode, and you just can’t shut him up.
Would you say I’m funny: Sure, if you like self-depreciating humor.
Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules: He follows a strict set of rules. Except when he’s listening to me.
Any special talents I have: I guess you could say he has a talent for writing, although he can never find the words for the images in his brain. That’s why he likes storytelling so much.
Would you consider me a friend: We have a love-hate relationship.
Have you ever seen me cry: Yes. (evil laugh) Every time.
A good nickname for me would be: He’s been called “Trapper.” As in “Doctor Trapper John.” That was in high school when all the girls came to him for advice with their boyfriends. They saw him as a “good guy” they could talk to. I taught him how to read tarot cards and convince those same girls they should dump their boyfriends and go out with him instead. “Girls don’t like ‘good guys,'” I told him. “They like jerks.” I was right. He couldn’t keep them away with a stick. He got into the occult and his buddies started calling him “Strange.” As in “Doctor Strange.” Hey — am I telling too much? Heh. Too bad.
Am I in love, and with who: He’s trying so hard to fall out of love and fall in love at the same time. It’s cute.
Say anything to me here: I’m not in any bottle.
Have I ever been hospitalized and what for: Not for any physical malady.
Have you ever had a crush on me: On John? No. He’s not my type. He’s not self-destructive or self-obsessive enough.