The Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame

Watching the induction ceremonies for the Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame. The inductees include Leonard Cohen and Madonna.

Leonard Cohen and Madonna?

LEONARD COHEN AND MADONNA???? IN THE ROCK ‘N’ ROLL HALL OF FAME?!?!?!?

I’m typing with the TV on. Justin Timberlake is talking about…

WAIT. WHAT THE FUCK. JUSTIN FUCKING TIMBERLAKE???

WHAT THE FUCK DOES JUSTIN WHAT THE FUCK TIMBERLAKE HAVE TO WHAT THE FUCK TO DO WITH ROCK AND WHAT THE FUCK AND ROLL?!?!?!???!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!

AND WHAT THE FUCK IS MADONNA HAVE TO DO WITH WHAT THE FUCK ROCK AND WHAT THE FUCK ROLL?!?!?!???!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!

His induction speech is the lamest piece of drivel. Her acceptance speech is nothing but pure self-serving crap. And the founders of this piece of shit place say they will NEVER induct bands like Rush because “they aren’t rock and roll.”

But Justin Timberlake and Madonna, apparently, are full on rock ‘n’ roll.

So then, when all that shit is done, Billy Joel comes up and starts talking about John Mellancamp. And he’s funny. And his speech isn’t about him. And when john Mellencamp gets on the stage…

Goddamn isn’t that what we’re here for?
Goddamn isn’t that what we’re here for?
GodDAMN isn’t that what we’re here for?

Rock ‘n’ roll.

And then Tom Hanks gets up and makes an incredibly passionate, incredibly powerful, incredibly ROCKIN’ induction for the Dave Clark Five. A band you’ve probably never heard of but you know EVERY SINGLE DAMN SONG.

And WHAT THE FUCK? JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE AND MADONNA??!??!?!??!??!

Santa Vaca: Game Balance

(Opened to the general public at jediwiker’s request)

Listening to people talk about the fourthcoming (intentional) edition of D&D, I hear a lot of the same thing: balancing out the classes. 

I hear the fighter will deal out the most amount of damage up close while the thief (I will not say “rogue”) deals the most amount of damage from behind while the magic-user deals out the most amount of damage from a distance and yadda yadda yadda.

I console myself with the knowledge that the new D&D design team is finally giving up the ghost. D&D isn’t a roleplaying game; it’s a very sophisticated board game. This is a bit of a paradox because D&D is the first roleplaying game. Yet, it isn’t a roleplaying game. Like being your own grandfather, this takes some explaining.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the “What is a roleplaying game?” question. Thinking in the same way Scott McCloud thought about “What is Comics?” in his absolutely brilliant Understanding Comics graphic novel. I’ve been thinking about it because something about the new D&D struck me sideways strange.

I think it’s important to note that any game can be turned into a roleplaying game. You can turn chess into a roleplaying game by naming your King and giving him an internal dialogue. You can turn Life into a roleplaying game the same way. In fact, you can turn any board game into a roleplaying game that way. But you have to add something to do it. You have add the character and his motivations.

I’d also argue you have to add another element. The “character” must make choices based on personal motivations rather than strategic or tactical advantage. This is the “My Character Wouldn’t Do That” factor. The correct move in chess may be Queen’s Pawn to Pawn 4, but if the King decides, “I want to protect my Queen more than I want to protect my Bishop, even though the smart move is to protect my Bishop,” then we have a roleplaying game.

It isn’t that you play dumb. You could make every smart move put before you. But if you actively consider your character’s desires and motivations first, then I think you’ve got what we’re talking about.

But a game like chess doesn’t reward you for making choices that don’t directly or indirectly lead to victory. In fact, no board game does. That’s what differentiates a board game from a roleplaying game, I think. A board game rewards players for making choices that lead to victory. A roleplaying game rewards the player for making choices that are consistent with his character.

Likewise, most board games don’t have a sense of narrative: a building story. Now, please note that I said “most.” Some board games certainly do. And I don’t mean a story in an abstract way that’s up to interpretation. I mean a real story complete with everything we expect from stories. Plot, narrative, exposition, the third act betrayal. The whole kit and caboodle.

Now, some board games have a sense of narrative, but players are not rewarded for moving the narrative forward. On the other hand, the whole point of a roleplaying game is to do just that: move the narrative forward. It has mechanics that assist the players in doing just that.

Therefore… “A roleplaying game is a game in which the players are rewarded for making choices that are consistent with the character’s motivations or further the plot of the story.”

(At this point, I predict Faithful Readers to point out that this is not the definition most people understand as a roleplaying game. I will pre-empt this retort by asking them how the majority of Americans misuse “I could(n’t) care less,” misunderstand evolution, and mispronounce the word “nuclear.” Including the man sitting in the White House who fucks up all three.)

This is a working definition. It is far from complete and I’m not entirely happy with it, but it’s a good starting point. Notice the distinct lack of miniatures or dice as necessary to playing a roleplaying game. Some roleplaying games use miniatures and some roleplaying games use dice. Not all. The chief question is: “Can you play a roleplaying game without dice and/or miniatures?” My answer is, “Yes. I have. And I’ve been doing it for at least twenty years.”

(It is at this point I reminded how a certain individual very important to the origin of the RPG told me–to my face–that I wasn’t playing a roleplaying game at all, but I was just a “wanna be community theater actor.” But we shall not speak ill of the dead.)

Dice and maps and miniatures are not neccessary to play roleplaying games. (Yes, Matt. I’m using the word in that sense.) Some players prefer them, but others do not. It is also not neccessary to play a game without them. Do they add to the experience? Yes, they can. They can also detract from the experience, inhibit the experience or limit the experience. But they are not necessary.

What I feel is essential for a roleplaying game–what defines a roleplaying game–is that players take the roles of characters in a game that has mechanics that enable and reward story and character choices. That is a roleplaying game.

And with that definition in mind, I look at what D&D 4 is going to look like and I’ve come to a conclusion: it will not be a roleplaying game.

You can make it a roleplaying game, but in order to do so, you’ll have to add elements that do not exist in the rules. If you play the game by the rules, it is not a roleplaying game.

D&D has mechanics for rewarding you for making the best strategic and tactical choices, but it does not have mechanics that help the players move the plot forward. It has mechanics for movement and damage and healing and everything else Talisman does, but it does not reward a character for making decisions that aren’t focused on winning the game.

At the end of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Indy gives up “treasure and glory” to heal the village. He surrenders the magic stone to the old man, completing that transformation from greedy, selfish bastard into the hero we knew from the first film. 

In D&D4, there is no advantage in the choice to give up that treasure. Hell, in D&D3 there’s no mechanical reason for him to do it, either. No strategic or tactical reason. He should take the magic stone, add it to his current stash of magical treasures, and go on to the next adventure. Likewise, he shouldn’t have turned over the Arc of the Covenant to the US Government and he shouldn’t have stopped to heal his dad. He should have run out of that temple as fast as his little feet could carry him and cash in on finding the cup of Christ. That’s the only way to get experience points. That’s the only way to “win.”

That’s how you win D&D. More treasure to kill bigger monsters to get bigger treasure.

Which brings me to the whole point of this post in the first place. Game balance.

D&D3 was obsessed with obtaining game balance. The fact that stats are randomly generated demonstrates what a Great and Massive Failure this is. (If we add up our stats and you have even one point more than me, our characters are unbalanced.) What kind of damage can a fighter do before he falls down, what kind of damage can a wizard do before he falls down, what kind of damage can a thief do before he falls down… all of these questions are missing the point. Especially in a roleplaying game. Addressing the symptoms, but not the disease. Hacking at the limbs rather than the roots.

“Game balance” in a roleplaying game doesn’t come down to hit points or armor class or damage or levels or feats or skills or any of that. Game balance in a roleplaying game comes down to a simple question: “Is each character fulfilling his role in the story?”

D&D addresses this issue in a small tactics mindset. The fighter fights, the theif steals, the cleric heals and the wizard is the artillery. Make sure each character’s role–as D&D sees it–is filled.

But what about motivation? What about personal stakes? Let me show you what I mean.

One of my adventures in the RPGA involved a first level thief. He was the son of a tavern keeper who had gambled himself into deep debt. My character learned how to be a theif because he was the bruiser at the tavern. He knew how to pick pockets because he had to look out for it. He knew how to hide in shadows to keep himself out of sight. And he knew how to backstab because he needed to move quietly up to a troublemaker and hit him hard enough to knock him out without starting a fight. That’s my thief.

(I should note that the game itself demands I do none of this. There is no rule or mechanic that requires it and there is no rule nor mechanic that rewards me for it.)

I went on the adventure with my little thief. As we walked, I chatted with the other characters. I was chatty. They chastised me for slowing down the adventure. Not my character, but me. They chastised me for roleplaying. Obviously, I was playing the wrong game.

We killed some kobold bandits, gathered some treasure. The other players were not playing as a group well (despite my suggestions) and argued and bickered the whole time.

Meanwhile, I stole as much of it as I could. When I found something in private, I kept it. I was going to save my father’s tavern and it didn’t matter who stood in my way. Again, acting in character but against the group goal of sharing the treasure. As far as Tav saw it (his name was Tav), these people hired him to do a job. They were rude to him and did not go out of their way to protect him.

At the end of the adventure, I had a large chunk of silver, gold and treasure. I even got a +1 short sword. The fighter didn’t want it. And when the adventure was done, I said, “I retire!”

They all looked at me with disbelief. I reminded them that the only reason I did this was to save my father’s tavern. I got a bunch of gold and a magic sword worth thousands of gold pieces. I was set for life. A peasant sees 1 gold piece per year and I got a few thousand. I was done. I filled my role.

Now, my story about Tav helps me illustrate a lot of things. Almost every choice I made with him was based on his backstory–right up to his retirement. All the choices were based on things that weren’t on my character sheet. The things that, as far as I can tell, are the most important things about a character.

Game balance isn’t about hit points or armor class or spells per day or any of that. Game balance is about helping the player tell his character’s story in such a way that he doesn’t eclipse the other characters. Mechanics that reward and assist players in doing just that.

At least, that’s how I see it.

And I’m still not entirely happy with the definition.

d20: The Sexcraft Witch

She’s really just a d20 version of the Priestess of Talia from Enemy Gods and Houses of the Blooded, but reading through

‘s journal made me think of it.

She probably needs a whole lot of tweaking and, more than likely, she doesn’t interract with the d20 system in the kind of way I’d like. I’d need some experts to help me with that. (Yes, if you qualify, please provide feedback.)

Here she is. A Prestige Class.

Almost every noble has visited the Temple of Talia. Those who deny it are liars. Despite what clerics of the other faiths may say, the Temple of the Sacred Harlot is not just a brothel. The priestesses are more than just prostitutes. They are educated women, sophisticated and cunning. Serving as advisors and companions to kings, their order has prospered.

But it was not always so. Years ago, the Temples of Talia faced near extinction when the fanatical followers of V’nesh sought to bring down the order. The Temple’s political ties were strained to breaking. A holy war. A moral war. Temples to Talia were pulled down brick-by-brick, her priestesses hung or burned at the stake. Finally, the High Priestess herself–the Priestess of the White Rose–appeared before the great and mighty King Stafford. He listened to the masked woman’s plea with an implacable glare. Then, in the middle of his court, she performed the ultimate heresy… she removed her mask and begged the King for assistance. The King’s stoic eye was said to cast a single tear.

In two month’s time, every Temple of V’nesh was nothing but rubble and ruin.

Since then, the Temples of Talia have prospered, but the priestesses still find enemies wherever they go. To the uneducated people, they are still just witches who sell their bodies for money and political power. “Sexcraft witch,” is the common slang, but only ever spoken in whispers. It is said a witch can beguile a man with a touch, make him betray his most trusted friend with a kiss and kill a man with a harsh glance. 

And in her bedchamber? She can steal his soul.

_____

Hit Die Type: d4
To qualify to become an sexcraft witch, a character must fulfill all of the following criteria.

Alignment: Any nonlawful.

Skills: Bluff 7 ranks, Craft (Sex) 7 ranks, Diplomacy 7 ranks, Escape Artist 7 ranks, Knowledge (religion) 4 ranks.

Spells: Ability to cast at least one divine spell of 3rd level or higher.

Special: Sneak attack +2d6.

The sexcraft witch’s class skills (and the key ability for each skill) are Balance (Dex), Bluff (Cha), Concentration (Con), Craft (Int), Decipher Script (Int), Diplomacy (Cha), Disguise (Cha), Escape Artist (Dex), Gather Information (Cha), Heal (Wis), Hide (Dex), Knowledge (Int), Listen (Wis), Move Silently (Dex), Open Lock (Dex), Profession (Wis), Sense Motive (Wis), Search (Int), Sleight of Hand (Dex), Speak Language (Int), Spellcraft (Int), Spot (Wis), Use Magic Device (Int), and Use Rope (Dex).

Level    BAB    Fort    Ref    Will   Special                             Spells per Day
1            +0        +0    +2    +2        Seduction, Sexcraft,       +1 per level of existing class
                                                         Enchantment Bonus   
2            +1        +0    +3    +3        Sneak Attack +d6            +1 per level of existing class
3            +1        +1    +3    +3        Caress of the Red Rose    +1 per level of existing class
4            +2        +1    +4    +4        Sneak Attack +d6            +1 per level of existing class
5            +2        +1    +4    +4        The Cruel Kiss                +1 per level of existing class
6            +3        +2    +5    +5        Sneak Attack +d6            +1 per level of existing class
7            +3        +2    +5    +5        Dance of the Sacred Harlot    +1 per level of existing class
8            +4        +2    +6    +6        Sneak Attack +d6           +1 per level of existing class
9            +4        +3    +6    +6        The Black Kiss                +1 per level of existing class
10            +5      +3    +7    +7        Sneak Attack +d6            +1 per level of existing class

Class Features
All of the following are Class Features of the sexcraft witch prestige class.

Weapon and Armor Proficiency:
Sexcraft witches gain no proficiency with any weapon or armor.

Enchantment:
The sexcraft witch adds her own Will Save to the difficulty class of any enchantment spells that require the target make a Will Save.

Sneak Attack: This is exactly like the rogue ability of the same name. The extra damage dealt increases by +1d6 every other level (2nd, 4th, 6th, 8th, and 10th). If a sexcraft witch gets a sneak attack bonus from another source the bonuses on damage stack. In addition, the sexcraft witch may make a sneak attack during sexual encounters as if she had her target by surprise.

Spells per Day:
When a new sexcraft witch level is gained, the character gains new spells per day as if she had also gained a level in a spellcasting class she belonged to before adding the prestige class. She does not, however, gain any other benefit a character of that class would have gained, except for an increased effective level of spellcasting. If a character had more than one spellcasting class before becoming an sexcraft witch, she must decide to which class she adds the new level for purposes of determining spells per day.

Seduction:
The alluring power of a witch is almost too great for any man (or woman) to withstand. After any dialogue with a target, she may make a Bluff or Diplomacy check against TN 15. If successful, the target must make a Will Save against the witch’s Seduction roll. If the target fails, he is charmed and will be so until sunrise the following morning.

Sexcraft:
At first level, the sexcraft witch gains this dangerous ability. Any individual she beds must make a Will Save against the witch’s Craft (Sex) as Seduction above. If the witch is successful, the target is considered under a special kind of compulsion. The compulsion cannot be broken under normal means. The subject will follow commands as per usual, but the effect will not break until he sleeps with another character with the Craft (Sex) skill. The second character must roll equal to or higher than the original roll to break the compulsion. No other magical or mundane cures will break it unless the witch breaks it herself by making an improper command.

Caress of the Red Rose: At 3rd level, the sexcraft witch gains the ability to heal with her touch. The Caress of the Red Rose requires a willing touch from her target. She must make a Craft (Sex) roll at difficulty 15. If successful, she may bestow any or all of the following effects: heal serious wounds, aid, and restoration, lesser. She may only perform this effect once per night for one target.

The Cruel Kiss: At 5th level, the sexcraft witch gains the ability to turn pleasure into pain. The Cruel Kiss requires a touch attack. If successful, she may cause energy drain, forcing the target to lose one level. If she maintains the grip, she may continue to cause energy drain. The Cruel Kiss does not break the compulsion caused by the sexcraft ability. The target is so enraptured by the witch’s skills, he cannot break free.

Dance of the Sacred Harlot:
At 7th level, the sexcraft witch gains the ability to give benefit to more than one target. She may bestow the same benefits from the caress of the red rose to a number of targets equal to half her level, rounded down.

The Black Kiss: This most deadly affect is reserved only for those who have truly offended the witch. To use this effect, the target must have harmed her (caused hit point loss) or the priestess must have slept with the target. By blooding her lips, pointing at the target and uttering his name, the target must immediately make a Fort Save against a death effect. The DC is the 10 + the sexcraft witch’s level + Will Save. Even if he survives, he immediately suffers the effects of a harm spell, regardless of his save. The Black Kiss may only be used once per day.

 
(PS: Open Content Identifier: Anything that offends you is Open Content.)