Someone once said, “There can never be another good pirate movie because Errol Flynn is dead.”
Ladies and gentlemen, I’m glad to announce that Johnny Depp has dug up Mr. Flynn’s corpse and stolen his soul. He did it with Hunter Thompson, he did it with Errol Flynn… I shudder at who he may be targetting next.
I had no reason at all to like this film. I love pirates. I hate Disney. I love pirates. I hate Jerry Buck ‘n’ Weiser. But I loved loved loved this film. Loved it. Unconditionally. If I wasn’t so broke, I’d be back in the line to see it again, the soundtrack in hand — no, wait. Fuck that. I’ll buy a walkman so I can play the soundtrack in line to see it again, drinking soda from a Pirates cup, eating popcorn from a pirate bag. I’ll survive on nothing but movie soda and popcorn and hotdogs for the next month so all I have to do is walk out of the theater, get in line, and get ready to see it again.
Johnny Depp proved, once again, that he can be the single force holding a film togther. He isn’t, not in this case, because there’s Geoffrey Rush, just sitting there, doing the same bloody thing. Maybe they’re both holding the film up. Holding it together. That’s entirely possible. I don’t care. I’m so in love with this movie, I can’t even begin to think rationally about it.
It’s got pirates. Corsets. Swordfighting. Obscure nautical references. Undead pirates. Corsets. Broadsides. Pirates. Grapeshot. The best fucking use of grapeshot in a movie EVER. And… UNDEAD PIRATE MONKEY!!! Need I say more?
It’s got a great curse — not as good as the curse from Ladyhawke, but that ain’t saying anything at all because that’s the Best Curse Ever — it’s got great pirates, it’s got almost seamless jokes for the people who have been on the ride, it’s got the best entrance for a pirate in the history of pirate literature (Long John Silver hisself stood up and shook the ghost of RLS, sayin’, “Why didn’t I have an entrance like that, ya scurvy scum!”), it’s got real tension, real mystery, and — Heavens help us — some honest to God ACTING.
And did I mention UNDEAD PIRATE MONKEY?!?! Good GOD, man. If I need say anything else to convince you to see this film, you’re as dead as Flynn in his grave.
Yes, I liked this film. I don’t know if you will, but I loved the hell out of it.
Oh, yeah. Orlando is cute, too.