Okay, here’s one for all the Religious Wrong to read. I have definitive, undisputable proof that God (as we imagine Him) does not exist. I do this because so many Christians are so certain that I’m going to Hell and they’re headed off to Paradise. Being a Discordian, shaking faith is one of my Ten Commandments. Thus, here’s something to rattle your own certainty.
The premise is simple. Imagine life is a roleplaying game and God is the GM. Now, if God was a fair Game Master, he’d give everybody the same rule set. Unfortunately, God did not do this; he gave out a self-contradictory rule set… and even handed out rules to different games to different players with the header: “These are the definitive rules; all others are false rules.
In order for God, the Perfect Creation that We Imagine, to exist, he has to set out a Perfect Set of Rules that Cannot be Misunderstood, Misconstrued, or Misinterpreted by Man. This set of rules does not exist, therefore, we can only draw two conclusions:
1) God does not exist
2) God hates humans and likes to watch them suffer
For those who think God provided a simple set of rules for everyone to follow, a set of rules that is not self-contradictory, not confusing, but is crystal clear and easy to understand, I urge you to read the following.
Some Simple Questions
Here are some simple questions that the Bible should be able to answer without ambiguity or contradiction. If God exists, and He wants us to go to Heaven, he would provide us with such a set of rules. Unfortunately, he hasn’t. The Bible, as a set of stories that give us God’s divine word, as transcribed by those who were divinely inspired, provide me with the following answers to my simple, concise, and uncomplicated questions. Questions like…
1. Are you saved by faith or good works?
“A man is not justified by the works of the law, but by the faith of Jesus Christ,…for by the works of the law shall no flesh be justified” (Galatians ii, 16).
“But wilt thou know, O vain man, that faith without works is dead?” (James ii, 20).
Was Christ the only Son of God?
He was “the only begotten Son of God.” (John iii, 18)
“There were giants in the earth in those days; and also after that, when the sons of God came in unto the daughters of men, and they bare children unto them.” (Genesis vi, 4).
Are women and men equal?
“It is good for a man not to touch a woman” (1 Corinthians vii, 1).
“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands” (Colossians iii, 18).
“Let your women keep silence in the churches, for it is not permitted unto them to speak, but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law. And if they will learn anything, let them ask their husbands at home; for it is a shame for a woman to speak in the church” (I Corinthians xiv, 34, 35).
“He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord; but he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy in body and spirit; but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband” (32-34).
“Let women learn in silence with all subjection” (1 Timothy ii, 11).
Was Jesus humble and meek?
Jesus, speaking of himself: “Behold a greater than Solomon is here” (Matthew xii, 41, 42).
Did Jesus teach love and compassion?
“If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple” (Luke xiv, 26).
Did Jesus preach temperance?
“The Son of Man is come eating and drinking; and ye say, behold a gluttonous man and a winebibber” (Luke vii, 34).
Was Jesus afraid of death?
“Be not afraid of them that kill the body” (Luke xii, 4).
“After these things Jesus walked in Galilee: for he would not walk in Jewry, because the Jews sought to kill him” (John vii, 1).
Did Jesus advocate violence?
“They that take the sword shall perish with the sword” (Matthew xxvi, 52).
“He that hath no sword let him sell his garments and buy one” (Luke xxii, 36).
How should we view the unfaithful?
“He that is not with me is against me” (Luke xi, 23).
“He that is not against us is for us” (Luke ix, 50).
What is the proper procedure for “Using God’s name?”
God: “Swear by my name” (Jeremiah xii, 16).
Christ: “Swear not at all” (Matthew v, 34).
Five hundred years before Jesus was born, Socrates said all good works must be performed in public, or they mean nothing. What is Jesus’ answer to this?
“Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works” (Matthew v, 16).
“Take heed that ye do not your righteousness before men to be seen of then,” (vi, 1, New Ver.).
How much of my wealth should I give to the poor to achieve salvation?
Version #1:
Rich Ruler, No. 1: “Good Master what shall I do to inherit eternal life?” Jesus: “Sell all that thou hast and distribute unto the poor” (22).
Version #2:
Rich Ruler, No. 2: “Lord, the half of my goods I give to the poor” (Luke xix, 8).
Jesus: “This day is salvation come to this house” (9).
Should we petition the Lord with prayer?
“Your father knoweth what things ye have need of before ye ask him” (Matthew vi, 8).
“Whatsoever ye shall ask in my name that will I do” (John xiv, 13).
“Whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you” (xv, 16).
Will, or may… will, or may…
Is Baptism essential to being saved?
“He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved” (Mark xvi, 16).
“Except a man be born of the water and of the spirit, he cannot enter the Kingdom of God” (John iii, 5).
Paul disagrees with Jesus: “I thank God that I baptized none of you, but Crispus and Gaius…. For Christ sent me not to baptize, but to preach the gospel” (1 Corinthians i, 14, 17).
And then, a most confusing statement: “He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned” (Mark xvi, 16).
Did Jesus advocate slavery?
No. But his followers did.
“Slaves, be subject to your masters with all fear; not only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward” (1 Peter ii, 18).
“Let as many servants [slaves] as are under the yoke count their own masters worthy of all honor” (1 Timothy vi, 1). “Servants, be obedient to them that are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling” (Ephesians vi, 5).
Did he love children?
Sure. Jewish children.
When a Canaanite mother came to him with her sick child, he said: “It is not meet to take the children’s bread and cast it to the dogs” (Matthew xv, 26).
So, the Jesus we see here (and his followers, who were hand-picked by him – including that prick Paul) advocates slavery, hatred, violence, misogyny and bigotry. Not only that, but the book itself paints a confusing set of rules that are impossible to follow because they disagree with themselves.
Thus, I can come to only two conclusions.
1) God does not exist, or
2) God exists, and he hates us.
“If you could be nothing or God’s worst enemy… what would you be?” – Chucky P.
My answer should be obvious.