Now, before I get started, a caveat.
I have many friends who revere a Dying and Rising God, and I want them to know that I respect their right to worship their God in their own way. I truly do. As many know, I’m a die-hard Libertarian. I love the First Amendment. If I could die to protect it for the next 100 years, I’d do so with a grin on my face. Honestly. The more the First Amendment can protect all of us, the happier I am, and that includes your right to believe whatever it is you choose to believe.
But for a little while now, I’ve heard a lot of talk about a “War on Xmas.” And, to be honest with you–because friends must be honest with each other–I’m a little sick of it.
I mean, honestly, your “War on Xmas” has to come to an end. You’ve been fighting it for 2,000 years, and while you’ve had many, many victories, the tide is now turning. It’s time to admit defeat. Your War on Xmas is now just attrition.
Seriously. I’ve seen your propaganda. I’ve read it. I’m not convinced. And the rest of us all know who this holiday belongs to. We know who it is really all about.
I’m talking about Santa Claus.
You’ve been trying to usurp this holiday for nearly 2,000 years now. For many centuries before that, this holiday belonged to some Dying and Rising God. Before yours, it was another. You took it for your own and held on to it for a loooong stretch. But, I’m honestly sorry to tell you that the holiday doesn’t belong to you anymore.
It belongs to Kris Kringle.
It’s his now. And, between you and me, I’m glad.
You see, my buddy Kris, he don’t give me none of the guilt your Sun God gives me. He doesn’t threaten me with eternal damnation. Doesn’t try to bribe me with an eternal reward (virgins, wings and harps, or whatever else He’s got going on), doesn’t give me rules about what I can eat, who I can sleep with, what shows I can watch. Nope. He gives me a simple rule.
“Be nice to each other.”
And you know, that whole thing about him giving out coal? Propaganda. I’ve never met anyone who’s gotten coal in their stocking. Sorry, just doesn’t hapen.
My buddy Kris, he’s my new favorite Dying and Rising God. Goes to sleep all summer, wakes up when the Autumn hits, and he spends all Autumn and Winter making presents. Not just for me, but for kids who really need them.
Santa loves all of us. Not just the ones who believe in him. All of us. Black, white, Christian, Muslim, Hindu, atheist, whatever. He doesn’t care. Santa loves us all. And he’s got something in that bag for everybody.
Not just the ones who believe in him. Everybody.
So, my friends, let’s just get this “War” thing over with. You’re embarassing yourselves. You really are.
This December 25th, come on over to my house. I’ve got a fireplace. I’ve got that pagan tree you’ve never been able to get rid of. I’ve got milk and I’ve got cookies. We’ll stay up as late as we can and see if we can get a peek at him. Of course, he’s too clever for that. And when we wake up in the morning, there will be gifts for everybody.
For everybody.
Ho ho ho.