It seems I’m living two lives. One is creatively fulfilling, filled with good people, good friends and comfort.
My second life is full of… well, bad things.
I’m at a crossroads. Time to pick.
Last night, I think I did.
I had a choice to go to a Vampire LARP or hang out with co-workers and my two wonderful bosses. I chose the latter.
No hyper-freaky, super paranoid women who want me to share in their drama and nothing else. No suspicious boyfriends who believe everything their SOs tell them, regardless of what evidence to the contrary may believe. No double-faced lying, no grief, no drama. Just a good time with people who have actually done something with their lives, rather than standing on the credits of a fake life.
And I didn’t feel one ounce of regret. None. Gone.
I realized something last night, lying in bed, waiting for sleep to come. I know now why I’ve been holding back, why I haven’t accomplished anything in my life for the six months since my divorce. I realized that I’ve been spending all my energy trying to figure out how I could have chosen differently, how I could have saved what I had.
What I should have been doing was putting all my energy into building what I have.