So, I’m a drummer. Not only that, but I’m a drummer in a damn great band. So, as a drummer, I need a kit. Working tools. A magician’s tools.

I picked up a Ludwig Custum Accent kit, wine explosion is the color. 5 piece kit: snare, two mounted toms, one floor tom, one kick bass.

Then, I picked up cymbals. Sabian medium crash: 14″, 16″, ride and 14″ hi hats.

Just for fun, I also picked up a Wuhan china. Big, fat, dirty Wuhan china cymbal. Aw yeah.

I’ve also got two special bits. One’s a titanium Zildjian splash. The other, your standard cowbell. And yeah, I use the cowbell. You just can’t get enough cowbell.

Now, when I got my cymbals, I knew I wanted another floor tom. A HUUUUUUUUGE floor tom. I wanted it for that big sound I’d need when playing the Cthulhu rant during Riot in the Miskatonic Morgue.  I ordered it at West LA Music and they told me it would arrive in two weeks. Two weeks came and went… no floor tom.

I called. They told me the 18″x18″ floor tom was on back order… until February. Now, this was back in September. So, I was dismayed.

Then, on Monday, West LA Music gave me a call. My big tom was in. It came in early. Just in time for the holidays.

My kit is now complete.

And so, ladies and gentlemen, I give you…

… a magician’s working tools.

Gen Con and Orks

I have an ork sword.

Not a real ork sword, but a foam rubber ork sword. I traded for it.

Last night, I had a dream that rather sums up my Gen Con experience.

I think the sword had something to do with it…

We’re climbing a mountain, he and I. He smiles at me with his big grin. His sly grin. He’s up to something.

“Gur noona toda?” he asks.

“No,” I say, shaking my head. “Not tired at all.”

He limps along with his twisted foot, keeping perfect time, the fox robe he wears keeping out the wind. “Toonada vren shootha,” he says next. You’re carrying too much.

I look at the bag on my back. It’s filled with trinkets and baubles. Things I’ve kept from an older time. “I’m carrying what I need.”

He shakes his head. Then, he points at a tree. We stop there and despite what I told him about not being tired, I’m silently grateful.

He goes over my bag, looking through it. “What do you need this for?” he asks me, holding something up.

“It’s important to me.”

He makes that unhappy noise in the back of his throat and throws it away.

“Hey!” I shout, getting back up. But he ignores me and pulls out something else. He shows it to me.

“Tanada. Fith footha.”

“It reminds me of the time when…”

He interrupts me. “Gurna? Gurna oon pooth?”

I nod. “Yes, I still have the memory of it.”

He throws it away. “Taya tay,” he says. Then, you don’t need it.

He goes through the bag some more, tossing as he goes. “Da na,” he says. “Da na, da na, da na.”

“Toonada vren shootha,” he says again. You’re carrying too much.

“If you carry too much,” I say, remembering the words I wrote. My own words. “If you carry too much, your hands won’t be free to catch what life gives you.”

He nods, smiling. Then, he laughs. He tells me it’s funny that I need to be reminded of that when I wrote it myself.

“Shootha de nay ta talla,” I tell him. Even the teacher needs to be reminded.

My bag empty, we continue up the mountain. The climb is easier now. My hands can now grasp what is ahead of me, the weight of what is behind me let go.

“Where are we going?” I ask him again.

“Jasha,” he says. “Alanatha too furtha.” Something to help you remember.

We keep climbing.

We’re almost at the top. He hops up a low tree branch and pulls himself up. “Pugg!” I shout. “I need help to get up! I can’t reach that high!”

A hand reaches down, but it isn’t Pugg’s hand. It is a hand larger than my head. Larger than Pugg’s head. Larger than anybody’s head. It reaches down and pulls me up.

And up. And up. And up.

I’m as high as the sun, looking into his face. His huge, angry, green, toothy, scarred face. And his one furious eye. His breath is like rotten onions and honey. And when he screams at me, it’s like the whole world is screaming at me.

“YOU LISTEN TO PUGG!!!” he shouts.

“AND IF YOU DO NOT LISTEN TO PUGG…

“BASHTHRAKA WILL KILL YOU!!!”

Then, he throws me down. I land hard. He picks up his spear and walks away, his footsteps like thunderclaps.

Pugg leans down, leaning on his walking stick. And when he talks, he uses my language.

“Just to make sure you got the message,” he says.

Then, he walks away, his little limp carrying him. I shake my head and turn, and there is a tall, slender figure in a robe, carrying a book. He opens it, turns to a page and shows me what’s written there. I read the words and nod.

“I understand,” I tell him.

He says nothing. Only turns away and leaves me alone at the top of the hill.

I think my love affair with Los Angeles is finally over.

And, like most love affairs, it ended long before either party was willing to admit it.

Casino Royale

Parking Lot: $3
Movie ticket: $7.50
Popcorn: $4.50
Coke: $4.50

Watching the first movie with a man who deserves to be called “James Bond”…

… Priceless

Oldboy

There are a few things I have to say about Gen Con. One of them is about a movie. I’ll start there.

Oldboy is a Korean revenge film. It is, by far, my favorite movie since Fight Club. It is, by far, one of the most fucked up and disturbing movies I have ever seen.

Recommended by jim pinto and memento-mori, I picked it up at the show, came home, got a Coke and some chips, sat down, and watched it. At the end, I was stunned. Nobody in Hollywood is making movies as daring, dangerous and disturbing as this. I never finished my Coke. The potato chips remained untouched after the first twenty minutes.

The story concerns a man–a pathetic, anonymous man–who is kidnapped and kept isolated for fifteen years. His prison is a locked hotel room where he is slipped food through a slot in the front door. His only companion is his television set.

Of course, there is an escape plan and there are direct references to The Count of Monte Cristo. (There is also a reference to the Philip K. Dick Book, The Man in the High Castle. But I’ll leave that alone for right now.)

The rest of the movie concerns our protagonist’s revenge against those who imprisoned him and the consequences of a ruthless search for the truth. And, as promised by my two recommenders, it has the best fight scene ever filmed. I shit you not, Faithful Reader.

I cannot recommend this movie with any higher degree of enthusiasm. Go rent it, buy it, do whatever you have to. See this movie. It will fuck you up beyond all recognition.

Fucking Plumbers

Finally…

They said they were showing up on Teusday. They couldn’t make it.

Then, they said they were showing up on Wednesday morning. Great. They didn’t show up. I called. They said they’d be here by 5:00.

5:00 rolled around. No plumbers. I called. They’ll be here first thing tomorrow.

It’s now 10:38. The plumbers just left. I can finally leave for Gen Con.

Literary Meme

(I blame

)

This is a list of the 50 most significant science fiction/fantasy novels, 1953-2002, according to the Science Fiction Book Club. Bold the ones you’ve read, strike-out the ones you hated, italicize those you started but never finished and put an asterisk beside the ones you loved.


1. The Lord of the Rings, J.R.R. Tolkien

2. The Foundation Trilogy, Isaac Asimov  *
3. Dune, Frank Herbert *
4. Stranger in a Strange Land, Robert A. Heinlein *
5. A Wizard of Earthsea, Ursula K. Le Guin *
6. Neuromancer, William Gibson*
7. Childhood’s End, Arthur C. Clarke
8. Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?, Philip K. Dick *
9. The Mists of Avalon, Marion Zimmer Bradley
10. Fahrenheit 451, Ray Bradbury *
11. The Book of the New Sun, Gene Wolfe
12. A Canticle for Leibowitz, Walter M. Miller, Jr.
13. The Caves of Steel, Isaac Asimov *
14. Children of the Atom, Wilmar Shiras
15. Cities in Flight, James Blish
16. The Colour of Magic, Terry Pratchett
17. Dangerous Visions, edited by Harlan Ellison *
18. Deathbird Stories, Harlan Ellison *
19. The Demolished Man, Alfred Bester
20. Dhalgren, Samuel R. Delany
21. Dragonflight, Anne McCaffrey
22. Ender’s Game, Orson Scott Card *
23. The First Chronicles of Thomas Covenant the Unbeliever, Stephen R. Donaldson * (loved and hated; a common response, I hear)
24. The Forever War, Joe Haldeman
25. Gateway, Frederik Pohl
26. Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, J.K. Rowling
27. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams*
28. I Am Legend, Richard Matheson *
29. Interview with the Vampire, Anne Rice
30. The Left Hand of Darkness, Ursula K. Le Guin *
31. Little, Big, John Crowley
32. Lord of Light, Roger Zelazny *
33. The Man in the High Castle, Philip K. Dick *

34. Mission of Gravity, Hal Clement
35. More Than Human, Theodore Sturgeon
36. The Rediscovery of Man, Cordwainer Smith
37. On the Beach, Nevil Shute
38. Rendezvous with Rama, Arthur C. Clarke
39. Ringworld, Larry Niven
40. Rogue Moon, Algis Budrys
41. The Silmarillion, J.R.R. Tolkien
42. Slaughterhouse-5, Kurt Vonnegut*
43. Snow Crash, Neal Stephenson
44. Stand on Zanzibar, John Brunner
45. The Stars My Destination, Alfred Bester
46. Starship Troopers, Robert A. Heinlein*
47. Stormbringer, Michael Moorcock *
48. The Sword of Shannara, Terry Brooks (if I didn’t like Tolkein, there was no way I was gonna like this; Alanon?!?!? Alanon?!?!!?)
49. Timescape, Gregory Benford
50. To Your Scattered Bodies Go, Philip Jose Farmer *

[info]pete_darby ran a game of Dragon for his kids. Then, he wrote up an actual play description that’s too adorable for words.

Damn, I love making new gamers.

Thanks Pete!

The Yellow Sign

Act I.
Tuxedos and gowns find their places
But the program gives no warning
The lights go dim, the play begins
The stage is the violet light of morning
    In Carcosa

The sun bleeds in the East
The Hyades sing their dying throes
The stars rise to claim their prize
The Queen’s sad song still echoes
    In Carcosa

Songs of sorrow, songs of pain
Masked and robed and disguised
All hope has fled the Queen in Red
Her Fate still unrecognized
    In Carcosa

The Queen grows weary of wordy games
Her daughter dances delusioned
Her son sings her songs, but her heart belongs
Away from the mists and illusions
    Of Carcosa

The audience shifts uncertain
What is rhyme and what is reason
Uneasy in their seats, deceptions and deceits
They begin to suspect a treason
    In Carcosa

At midnight a stranger calls
The Palid Mask, the perfect disguise
O King in tatters, the clock is shattered
He turns to us with his awful eyes…

Act II.
I am the last and terrible King
    Have you found the Yellow Sign?
    (Yhtill! Yhtill! Yhtill!)

And this is the wisdom that I bring
    Have you found the Yellow Sign?
    (Yhtill! Yhtill! Yhtill!)

The Phantom of Truth dispels
    Have you found the Yellow Sign?
    (Yhtill! Yhtill! Yhtill!)

All the Heavens and all the Hells
    Have you found the Yellow Sign?
    (Yhtill! Yhtill! Yhtill!)

Peel away the mask, the pale facade
    Have you found the Yellow Sign?
    (Yhtill! Yhtill! Yhtill!)

And fall into the hands of your living god
    Have you found the Yellow Sign?
    (Yhtill! Yhtill! Yhtill!)

6 Songs

Sitting in front of my computer,
Drinking Scottish mead,
Typing in my Livejournal,

Listening to the first Awful Lot EP.

Life could not be bette…

wait a sec…

(checks bedroom)

… well, I guess one thing could have made it better. But still…

I’M A ROCK STAR!
fuck yeah!