Sometimes, the ideas talk back.
Last night, I watched the season finale of Heroes. At the end, I felt sad. Let me tell you why.
Writers are supposed to be true to their characters. Supposed to be true. Sometimes, the ideas talk back. We send out signals to “ideaspace,” to “imagination,” to the place where characters and stories come from. And sometimes, the ideas talk back. They send us signals.
Robert E. Howard did not create Conan. He summoned the Cimmerian. Felt the Barbarian was over his shoulder, watching. Listening. Alan Moore talks about the time he met John Constantine in a pub. The bastard smiled, winked at him. Don’t ask me about Kachiko.
We send out the signal. Sometimes, the ideas talk back.
Ideas are just as real as we are. Made from the same stuff. (Lord Strange talked about this months ago.) We are all made from the same stuff. Even our ideas. Even our characters. Huck Finn and Sherlock Holmes. Hannibal Lecter. Jesus, Buddha, and Aslan.
All just as “real” as you and me.
So when I watch the season finale last night, this is what I saw…
The Psychic Cop gets shot with his own bullets. Okay, he’s gonna read Syler’s mind and tell everyone else what Syler is going to do before he can do it. He’ll shout it out, bleeding to death, using his last minutes on Earth to save that same Earth.
The Cheerleader takes the punches. She can do that. She uses the Psychic Cop’s shouts to cut off Syler’s every move.
Tylerna Durden kicks the crap out of him.
All the while, the Absobing Man is using all the powers he’s absorbed to knock around Syler.
It’s almost not enough. Syler keeps getting moments of advantage and takes advantage. Because that’s what he does. He sees how things work. And then, finally, Mary Sue Hiro gets him in the gut. And he has the opportunity to kill Syler…
… but he doesn’t. Because that’s not what heroes do. “I’m a hero, not a killer. That’s not what heroes do.”
“No,” says Cheerleader’s dad. “That’s what I do.” And then, he kills Syler.
That’s the ending I saw. That’s not the ending we got.
Instead, the Psychic Cop gets taken out of the fight at the very beginning. If that’s your favorite character, fuck you. Your favorite character’s lame.
Then, Tylerna Durden smacks Syler around for a little while, but he takes care of her quick. She’s out. Too bad, chumps.
Then, here comes Hiro. He’s gonna save the day. He guts Syler. Great! The Mary Sue character wins. Syler is on the ground, bleeding to death. And what happens next?
For no reason at all, the Absorbing Man is gonna explode. The Cheerleader has the gun. “Holy shit!” I think. They’re gonna do it. They’re gonna put her in the position of having to choose. Who is she? Hero or villain?
Oh, wait. She doesn’t have to choose. Because big brother flies up and takes that choice right out of her hands. And he flies away with little brother.
Say… wait a sec. Can’t the Absorbing Man fly himself? Can’t he just absorb his brother’s power–even if he hasn’t already–and fly away himself?
Lame. Lame, lame, lame.
And then, to top it all off, Syler’s really not dead.
Suck it, Hiro. Suck the big fat cock of you weren’t even smart enough to kill Syler when you had the chance.
Nor was anyone else. Not Psychic Cop, not Cheerleader’s Dad, not Cheerleader, not Tylerna Durden, not nobody. NOBODY bothered to check and see if Syler was really dead.
The heroes of Heroes were cheated out of a smart ending. Cheated with lazy writing.
No, sir. I did not like it.