Listening to Britney Radio

Just for a laugh, I’m spending this morning listening to Britney Radio on RadioNetscape.

I really can’t tell any difference between the artists. They all sound the same. Identical. They use the same vocal tricks, they all sing in the same register, the composition of the songs is almost identical. Chord structure, syncapation, everything.

I mean, it’s catchy, but after ten songs from ten different acts, I feel like I just got done listening to a greatest hits album from a single artist.

They all start out with a beat and the artist whispering over the track, “Yo. (Insert my name.) (Insert the date.) Keepin’ it real. Yo. Yo. Let’s go.”

Then, the song kicks in with a pre-made beat and a sampled riff from a ’70’s pop song. The song talks about how cool the artist is, how they get to fuck who they want, spend a lot of money, drive big cars, fuck who they want, spend a lot of money, fuck who they want, spend a lot of money… then a break from a rapper who talks about how cool they are and how cool the singer is. The song finishes off with a bunch of “uh uh uh” and rapping in syncapation with the chorus.

I shit you not. I’ve been listening all morning and that’s how every song goes. Same key, same orchestration, same arrangement, same beat, same everything.

It isn’t that I’m old. That isn’t it. I’ve been in bands, I’ve written songs, I’ve studied songwriting, music theory, and all that stuff. This shit is identical.

And, frankly, the rapping isn’t all that original. Barenaked Ladies have much more original, fun raps when they improvise on stage than these guys have with prepared raps.

Shit, I can do this stuff with my eyes closed, both hands tied behind my back.

I need a band.