Okay, special filter. Guys only.
Gentlemen, you are bound by the Sacred Testosterone Oath not to reveal this to any such female person.
Being bound by this solemn obligation, I invite you to read this bit of tragedy that has befallen your Humble Author and Friend. This sad bit of news that has so devestated and derailed my entire week.
Oh for the sorrow it brings! Hang your head low, my brothers, for this is tragedy as only Shakespeare could have written it. As Plato so imagined it. As I have so lived it.
My friends–nay, my brothers–witness now your humble servant. I have bled for you. I have suffered for you. And now, I bring you the fruits of such suffering.
After five years of remaining relatively free of the Dating Game, I came out of the shadow of bachelorhood for the sole purpose of an evening’s dinner and entertainment. And this is what happened.
I just asked a lovely young girl out to dinner. Her response: “I’m doing my hair.”
I shit you not. I SHIT YOU NOT.
My divorce did something to me. I know this now. Divorce ruins a man. Destroys his mind, body and soul. I have evidence–scientific evidence–that this is true.
To my unmarried friends, I tell you this: NEVER MARRY.
To my married friends, I tell you this: NEVER GET DIVORCED.
We are caught in a double-helix triangle of trouble that we cannot escape. We are their puppets. Dancing on strings we can see but cannot control.
We are theirs. Bodies, hearts and souls.
We are doomed.