Just so I can bury myself even further, let me try to explain something.
I got a lot of e-mails from women regarding my placement of “feminists” in my own personal Hell. I thought it would be a cute joke – putting them right next to misogynists. I’ve even got the lowest level of Hell reserved for myself. I thought it wasn’t too subtle. I thought it would be cute, clever, and funny.
Some people didn’t find it funny at all and sent me long, loud e-mails about just how un-funny it was.
So, I’ll clarify things.
I don’t believe in “-ists.” Never have, never will. I don’t believe in “different, but equal” any more than I believe in “separate, but equal.” Men and women are human beings, and being imperfect creatures, they are not equal. Nobody in the world can convince me I’m “equal” to Ellen Kushner, Dorothy Parker, and Alice Hoffman. Those ladies can write circles around me. They are BETTER writers than me. Bottom line. It ain’t because they’re women, and it ain’t because I’m a man. It’s just a fact.
And nobody in the world can convince me that that poor guy born with no legs and Downs Syndrome was born “equal” to everyone else in the world. That’s ignorant. I don’t tolerate that. Not in myself, and not in others.
Men and women are different. Just like men are different from other men. Women are different from other women. People are different. These differences are what make us beautiful.
Now, on to the real issue.
Created equal? No.
Equal under the law? Yes.
I believe a few well-written laws are better than a bunch of sloppy ones. If our laws say everyone is protected equally under the law, then there is no need for laws that specifically identify the rights of women, men, or Cthulhu. Everyone means everyone.
Fighting for the rights of one gender is short-sighted.
Right now, forty-eight state laws do not recognize that a man can be raped – unless it is by another man.
Right now, alimony vastly outnumbers palimony – regardless of who earns more money in the family.
If a man comes on to a woman, he’s a jerk. If a woman comes on to a man, she’s liberated.
Time Magazine watched 1,000 hours of television, specifically watching comercials. What they saw was shocking.
I am not exaggerating — if a man and woman were arguing about the product, 100% of the time, the woman was right.
I now do the same thing. When I watch commercials, I watch to see who is right.
100%. Every time.
I’m not trying to invalidate or minimize the plight of women in modern society. They’ve got problems, too.
But, so do we.
And if someone like Chuck Palahniuk tries to point them out – even in a self-aware, non-sensical, satirical way – he’s labeled as a low-brow, Cro-Magnon fascist.
In the end, I’m not a feminist or a masculinist or any kind of “-ist.” Okay, that’s not right.
I’m a humanist. We’ve all got problems. Let’s not make them worse by turning the whole thing into an “Us vs. Them.” If you fight for women’s rights, that’s cool. I won’t begrudge you any grief. But, just remember one thing…
Men have always been, always are, and always will be ruled by sexual impulses.
Women in our culture control sex.
Who has the upper hand?
And the next time you feel “victimized” because you’re a woman, a man, a black, a white, whatever — remember the little girls who burned to death in (Iraq? Iran? Saudia Arabia?). These little girls couldn’t leave a burning building because they weren’t wearing the “correct” clothing. So, they died in the flames.
Or the woman lawyer who burned herself to death because the laws in (Iraq? Iran? Saudia Arabia?) wouldn’t let her practice law, speak to her children, or even leave the country?
Or how about all the women who’ve been involuntarily castrated to prevent them from cheating on their husbands? (That’s in Africa, right?)
Like my grandfather said, “Whenever you think you got it bad… open yur fookin’ eyes and take a look around. You’ll find someone who’s got it worse.”